I've seen a lot of talk on local bulletin boards about the new bridge just outside of town on highway 62. I don't live in Eureka (yet), don't pay taxes there (except for the rare times I'm able to visit), and know absolutely nothing about the Arkansas highway department (but if it's anything like the Missouri highway dept., they need a good swift kick in their collective butts).

But as a somewhat frequent visitor, as someone who doesn't want to see Eureka Springs change too much, I feel the need to express my unwanted and uninvited opinion.

It goes something like this – no, it goes exactly like this: (Sing this to the tune of Blues in the Night, if you wish. I did while writing it.)

Is the new bridge strictly for safety?

I know that while driving into Eureka, I'd better keep my eyes on the twisty road. It's tempting to gaze in awe whenever there's a break in the trees; the scenery is nothing short of beautiful. (Y'all didn't know that until I told you, did ya?!)

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In addition to a bundle of Christmas cards, yesterday's mail brought a large envelope with this message on the front:

«You've been chosen to receive a free 1-year subscription, compliments of American Airlines. However, if would like to cancel these free copies, Just call . . . «

As I cradled the phone betwixt shoulder and ear, waiting for a robotic operator and thinking I could do without a self-serving travel magazine, I opened the plain-white wrapper and out flopped . . .

The Advocate.

American Airlines had given me a year's subscription to what is probably the nation's oldest gay news magazine.

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Christmas that is.

For last minute shopping think of Eureka Springs galleries and local artists for unique gifts and one-of-a-kind stocking stuffers. Wikepedia states that Eureka Springs has 20 galleries in the downtown area. However, more art can be found on North Main and on the Highway (62 east and west).

While on the west side of town, visit Studio 62 at 335 W Van Buren. The gallery is owned and operated by Jody Stephenson and Ron Lutz. The husband and wife team offer 2 dimensional work at the location where they also live and maintain studios.

Jody has on display many paintings in a wide range of sizes and styles. She is a fine colorist and exhibits works that range from abstract to still life. Many of the paintings are also offered in print form. The works have been expertly framed by Lutz, who also offers framing services to the public.Ron is a fine-eyed photographer with images perfectly caught through the viewfinder. Be sure and ask Lutz about his use of pinhole photography, also known as solargraphy. The couple's art hangs beautifully together and shoppers may be compelled to leave with a piece from each of the artists.

Another gallery located on the Highway is Eureka Thyme, 121 East Van Buren. Owner Marsha Havens is very supportive of local artisans and craftspeople and a large number are represented in her shop. You can find polymer clay art, oils and watercolors, photography, jewelry, metal art, soy candles, luminaria, palm candles, beeswax candles, pillar candles, natural body care products, incense and potpourri.

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Jacqueline Froelich, radio journalist from KUAF in Fayetteville, asked me last week what I thought about the American Family Association's new video featuring Eureka Springs and entitled «They're Coming to Your Town.»

«I give it two thumbs down for the title alone,» I said. «It should have been «They're Already IN Your Town, Stupid.»

As sound bites go, it was decent. And, probably, I should have just left it at that. But under Froelich's intense questioning, I blurted out the entire gay agenda for the total domination of Eureka Springs.

Well, why not? The AFA broke the story, outing the town as «a national hub for homosexuals . . . the San Francisco of Arkansas . . . and a gay hot spot.» It also says our town--with nary a gay bar let alone a gay bath house--is a «gay sex tourism destination.»

Huh?! Lawdy!

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On KUAF Public Radio 91.3 FM or streamed on-line at KUAF.org Friday, December 14, 2007, at noon, Ozarks At Large with Jacquie Froelich.

Topic: The American Family Association's new gay-bashing video, starring Eureka Springs and ominously entitled «They're Coming To Your Town.»

Plus an interview with film critic Indiana Dunes (AKA Michael Walsh), just one of the masterminds behind the homo-genization of Eureka Springs.

«Paddle faster,» Indy tells Froelich. «I hear banjos!»

For more on the Planetary Gay Agenda, see gaynewsbureau.com

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In a GQ article entitled, «Is this guy for real?» Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee explains that gay marriage will end civilization. «There's never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived,» says Huck. Except, of course, for the civilization Huckabee proposes to lead--the United States of America--which has radically redefined marriage several times since the nation's inception.

Here's a news flash: Women and children are no longer the property of the household's alpha male, as they were when the US started writing its many radical revisions of the definition of marriage and family. We've been changing the rules in this great nation of ours since 1830. That's 177 years, Huck. Try to keep up.

Next, Pope Benedict XVI piled on with his claim that gay marriage is on par with nuclear proliferation as a threat to world peace. Gays. Nuclear warheads. Gays win. All righty.

Then this week's edition of our local Drudge Report attempted to blame Eureka's continued decline in marriage licenses on--you guessed it--the gays. What daring! What brazen disregard they must have for civilization-- the way they toy with our awesome power! What? Didn't they get the memo from the pope?

The story explains that the number of marriage licenses issued in Eureka Springs has been on a steep downward spiral since 2001. Nobody knows why but, this year, one possible excuse is Eureka's DPR.

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If you are still shopping for Christmas gifts you can find one-of-a-kind offerings this Saturday, December 15th, at Hollydaze, a show and sale by six Eureka Springs artists. The art boutique will be open from noon to 8 p.m. in the Space above the Sweet Spring Antique Mall, the white building with red awnings on the corner of Pine and Spring.

Sisters Zoi and Sherry Young will be among the participants. Zoi will show new works that include found stones turned into sculpture, a new and exciting direction for this artist. Whimsical and stylized drawings by Sherry are sure to please those on your gift list.

Long time resident photographer Richard Quick will offer colorful images of local portraits and beautifully shot scenes of Eureka Springs. Richard, who maintains a studio on White Street, will have photos featured in the pages of the Feb issue of American Style Magazine. If you are a resident of Eureka Springs chances are very good that you have a portrait included in Quick's collection. Go look for «yourself».

Another prominent photographer John Rankine will exhibit his beautiful and thought provoking work. Rankine was the recent winner of Best In Show during the Eureka Springs Fall Art Show. This Saturday he will offer some of his award winning pics in smaller sizes, perfect for those on your holiday gift lists.

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In its new travelogue video about Eureka Springs, «They're Coming To Your Town,» the American Family Association employs some pretty colorful adjectives to describe our quirky little village, including terms that make those dreaded code words «eclectic» and «mecca» sound downright benign:

• «A national hub for homosexuals.»
• «The San Francisco of Arkansas.»
• «A gay hot spot.»
• «A gay sex tourism destination.»

Huh? Say what? Really?

It's true, of course, Eureka Springs has been a destination for gay travelers for decades. And we do have four Diversity Weekends a year. But a «sex» destination? Is it hot doorway sex the AFA is talking about? Public restroom sex favored by closeted Republican senators? Or I only bought my drugs from that male escort but there was nothin' durty goin' on kind of sex preferred by televangelists?

I only ask because Eureka Springs doesn't even have a single gay bar, let alone a gay bath house. How much of a hub or hot spot can it really be?

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It's right after Thanksgiving, a few weeks to Christmas and Hanukkah. This is the typical time of year when people gain weight. I know, people gain weight at all times of the year, but the end-of-year holiday season is when those few extra pounds show up – all by themselves – totally unannounced and uninvited – more so than other times of the year.

I've always considered myself kind of lucky, because I can pretty much eat whatever I want without packing on pounds. In my 20's, I actually TRIED to gain weight. I thought I was too skinny. Now that the dreaded 'middle age' is here (how the hell did that happen?), I don't need to try so much. But it's still not food that gets me. It's beer. I love beer. Even bad beer is pretty doggone good. Wine ain't bad either. But beer? Oh yeah.

I've toyed with the idea of going to a gym to work out. Toying is about all I've done about it. It's way too easy to rationalize why I shouldn't go:

I can lift weights at home. (My weights are in the basement, under a couple of boxes and 4 pounds of dust.)

I can't afford a gym. (That part's true. Of course, if I didn't buy beer, I probably could afford it.)

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Pat Robertson, along with some other folks, has declared that Interstate Highway 35 is to be the salvation of America from the dreaded homa seckshuls. It's Biblical, they say, citing Isaiah 35:8 recently on The 700 Club:

«And a highway will be there, it will be called the way of holiness.»

They're serious about this. They think this 'way of holiness' is an interstate highway. I-35 is the Highway to Heaven. It's part of 'Gods awesome plan.'

Prophet Cindy Jacob (whoever that is) said, «What do we expect to see? We expect laws to be changed in cities. We expect righteous leaders. We expect a movement, a reformation that will literally sweep the face of the earth.» (Note to Cindy: I-35 runs through six states, but does not cover 'the face of the earth'.)

They're calling this the I-35 Highway to Holiness Initiative. (Praise JEEzuz!)

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