*Offstage Announcer*

Ladies and gentlemen, it was my great pleasure to interview Governor Sarah Palin (Wingnut-AK) during her visit to the United Nations today.  I found her to be quite gracious, stunningly attractive and more than willing to share her thoughts - unrehearsed and sans cue cards - regarding meeting foreign heads of state for the first time.  Here is a sample of our talk, which took place in the foyer of the United Nations Building:

Announcer:  Governor Palin, it's my pleasure to meet you.  Thank you for granting this interview.

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I don't know if this girl is trying to come out, or if she's just more enlightened than her mother appears to be. 

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I'm standing in line the other day at the grocery store, about 5:00 in the afternoon.  In front of me is a rather tasty looking man buying a package of hamburger, buns and a 12 pack of beer.  My kinda guy!  Bet I know what his dinner is tonight. 

In front of him is a well-dressed woman I would guess to be about 60-something, with quite a lot of groceries.   Behind me is a girl of about 15 or so, with a woman I guess to be her mother.

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I've put it off long enough.  I've GOT to update my kitchen.  New sink and faucet, new dishwasher...a whole bunch of shiny new stuff.  Most of  what I have now doesn't work properly, or leaks, or is just plain UGLY.

Last week, I'm in Home Depot, looking for a dishwasher.

In the appliance department, I spot a washer.  It's in my price range, but it's got a stainless steel front. I would really prefer white. 
I look around for a sales clerk. 
Nobody.
I wander around for a few minutes, looking at the appliances.
6 or 7 minutes pass, a woman wearing an orange apron walks into the appliance area.
She sees me playing with the dishwasher, but keeps her distance.

«Excuse me, do you know if this is available in white?»  I ask.

«Ummmm.....well......Sharon's on break.»

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I quit.

After six months of having no life, I quit. 

We returned from Europe on a Sunday.  I was scheduled to work the following Thursday. 

By Wednesday, my stomach was in knots.  I couldn't sleep.  When I did sleep, I had nightmares of the seven machines I ran coming after me.  It was like a really bad horror movie.  I'd hear a noise upstairs.  With nothing to protect myself except a non-working flashlight (picture a slightly heavier, slightly balder Tippi Hedren in The Birds), I'd climb the stairs to find one of the machines glaring at me.  I'd turn and run back downstairs, only to find another machine grinning menacingly as it approached me.  I'd run outside, through the woods, and fall down.  (Of course.)  Rolling onto my back, I'd see all seven machines romping through the trees to feed on me.  I would see my supervisor hiding behind a tree,

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Friday, August 1

Antique Queens from far and near it's Eureka's 14th annual Yards and Yards of Yard Sales. Friday and Saturday 7:00 AM to 3:00 PM. Find locator maps at shops and restaurants. Sponsored,oddly,by the Greater Eureka Springs Chamber of Commerce.

GET HITCHED! Domestic Partner Certificates. The courthouse is closed Saturday and Sunday. City Clerk's office is in the City Hall, lower level of the Western Carroll County Courthouse, 44 S. Main. Office hours are 9:30 AM - 12 Noon and 1:30 to 4:30 PM.

SPEED DIAL YOUR GAY SPIRITS. Mistress Lynne Sterling has been using Gay and Lesbian Tarot cards for amazing readings with fantabulous results. DaBen's Door, 45 1/2 Spring, Choose from Daughters of the Moon or the Brotherhood Tarot. 1:30 - 6:00 PM.

MIX and MINGLE the Marquee's Princess Welcome Mixer, 309 W Van Buren, Happy Hour Prices and Food Specials. 7:00 to 9:00 PM. All ages admitted to restaurant. Must be 21 or older to enter Cantina and Game Room. Come feel the warmth ...feel, touch, hug, squeeze, grope, claw, whip...Mix and mingle with locals and visitors from around the county. Hosted by: Marc and his friendly staff. (Open for dinner 4:00 -10:00 PM)

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Judy Shepard, the mother of Matthew Shepard, a 21-year-old gay man who was murdered in October 1998 will speak in the Multipurpose Room of the Student Center on the campus of Northwest Arkansas Community College (NWACC), Wednesday June 25th from 7 P.M. to 9 P.M. Judy and her husband, Dennis, created the Matthew Shepherd Foundation in his memory. She will discuss her experience of losing a child to a hate crime, her efforts to strengthen hate crime legislation, and her efforts to carry Matthew's message of respect and dignity for others.

Please join us for this event and show your support for our GLBT community! The public is welcome to attend.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008
7:00 – 9:00 p.m.
Multipurpose Room
Student Center
Northwest Arkansas Community College
(Click here for driving directions/map to the Student Center)

This event is sponsored by the Gay-Straight Alliance at NWACC and People Respecting Individual Differences & Equality (PRIDE) at the University of Arkansas.

June is gay pride month. Check out the Northwest Arkansas Pride Website for more events.

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In yesterday's report of our visit to the 2008 ACLU Membership Conference, we mentioned a fellow speaker by the name of Evie Farnsworth who has been working with a group called Support Student Safety.

Their mission: To convince the Metropolitan Nashville Board of Education to add sexual orientation and gender identity to the public school anti-discrimination policy.

At yesterday's meeting, the Metro Nashville BOE voted to approve Support Student Safety's recommendation.

But wait! There's more!

All nine members of the Metro Nashville BOE also voted to ratify the 2008-2009 employment contract, which includes, for the first time, protection of employees based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

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One hundred seventy three days after four ordinary civilians armed with laptop computers hunkered down in a Eureka Springs living room to Google the subject, the first Domestic Partnership Registry (DPR) in Arkansas became a reality on June 22, 2007.

Three hundred and fifty three days later, Jan and I traveled to Washington, D.C. to talk about Eureka's DPR at the 2008 ACLU Membership Conference.

I didn't think I was going to make it through the security checkpoint at Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport.

There we were, shuffling along behind a line of people who deferentially presented their papers to an officious official behind a podium bearing an enormous, glittering «Department of Homeland Security» seal.

Homeland? What country is this? There's something about referring to the United States of America as «the Homeland» that's always been a mite too Stalin-esque for me.

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My father is now in an assisted living home since performing a half gainer down the basement steps, breaking a hip and smashing his face to the tune of 12 stitches.  He calls the place the assisted dying home, or The Prison.  Thankfully, the home is only about a mile from Hell's Half Acre, so I'm able to go see him every day, and I call him at least once per day. 

Physically, he's doing better than expected.  He gets around pretty well with the aid of a walker.  Emotionally, he's not doing very well at all.  He's becoming depressed.  I can't blame him.  The home, nice as it is, is not home.  Being there strips one of self esteem and independence, and on some days it takes a real toll on him. 

I went by to see him yesterday afternoon.  He was in a good mood, talkative, and relaxed.  We had a 45 minute visit and discussed the gas prices ('goddam Bush!') politics ('goddam Bush!') the economy in general ('goddam Bush!') and the war in Iraq ('goddam Bush!'). 

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My father is 86 years old.  Almost 87.  He's in fairly good health for someone his age, and gets around well.  My mother died 15 years ago.  He's lived alone since, taking care of the house, the car, himself, etc.  He cooks his own meals, with some help from me and one of my brothers who lives nearby.  My other brother lives part time in Georgia, part time in Branson, but is in town to see the old man about once per month or so.

He entertains himself by going to auctions and estate sales, and bringing home shit nobody wants. 

'Look at this!  It was in a box I bid on.  Got the whole box for 2 bucks!' he says, proudly holding up a dusty lava lamp with no electrical cord. 

He buys clothes at these sales, washes them, and donates them to local women's shelters and a home for wayward youth.  It's a sort of hobby for him.  It keeps him out of the taverns and lap-dance clubs, so I don't have any problem with him doing this, even though I'm continually telling him, 'No, dad, I don't need a pair of size 10-1/2 tennis shoes with no laces.'  or, 'Why would you buy 4 Igloo coolers when you already have 6?'

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