Predictions that the Domestic Partnership Registry would doom faith-based tourism in Eureka Springs were, apparently, way off target. A Christian motorcycle group from Missouri says hundreds of its followers will join thousands of gay visitors to celebrate the city's annual Summer Diversity Weekend, Aug. 3-5.

Identifying itself as an «independent motorcycle ministry,» the Jericho Riders plan to roll into town on Friday, Aug. 3 for a 7 p.m. «prayer walk,» what we assume is Show-Me-State colloquialism for what we locals call a «pub crawl.» By enacting a Domestic Partnership Registry, the group says, Eureka Springs «has given in to Satan and his tactics.»

Lord knows, Democracy IS the devil's workshop.

The following day, Aug. 4, the group plans to «go to the streets witnessing,» the annoying practice of telling complete strangers who really don't want to hear it how relentlessly pious and devout you are. Note to pedestrians: Keep your purse- or pocket-size Persistent-Evangelist spray repellent handy. And hide your money in a belt wallet. The Jericho's are NOT a not-for-profit outfit and they WILL need gas money to get back home.

At noon Saturday, the bible-packin' bikers will assemble in Basin Park where «Jesus Christ WILL be lifted up.» The Riders say «hundreds of ministry leaders, pastors, and Christians» are expected for the «Restoring America's Foundation on Jesus Christ Rally.»

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This just in from the Gay News Bureau Secret Shopper Ministry....

Ta da! It's the de rigeur fashion statement for the joint Diversity/Jericho Riders Kiss 'n Witness Soiree, August 4th, high noon in Basin Park.

Dahling, simply everyone who is anyone will be wearing this kicky separate because, in Summer Diversity season, white Beefy-T is the new black.

Order early. Order often. Save 25% on the perfect gift for the many new Jericho Rider friends you will make on August 4th. (Offer expires when Hell Freezes Over.)

You'll find ordering instructions at Eureka Pride, where secret shoppers are piling into the fin-backed pink Cadillac and singing David Bowie's «Fashion» all the way to the mall.

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Today's pick of Winners and Sinners in the Eureka Springs Court of Public Opinion:

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Sinner: «The (Eureka Springs) city council passed the (Domestic Partnership) ordinance unanimously, which basically is the equivalent of the city's leaders recognizing and forcing 'gay marriage' on the city's residents.»--Don Wildmon, Arkansas Family Association.

Punishment Without the Crime

Winner: «To penalize somebody for their sexual orientation is the same as what used to happen to black South Africans.»--Archbishop Desmond Tutu

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Where can you find a Hungry, Hungry Hippie in Eureka Springs? At the Little Bread Company, of course, where «Hungry, Hungry Hippie» is a Little Bread Company signature sandwich.

Known to Eurekans as «the bakery,» (as in «meet me at the bakery,») the Little Bread Company is a popular village gathering place. The atmosphere is reminiscent of a cafe in small town Europe. No, there isn't a soccer game playing on a small TV behind the counter. Nobody ever stops to holler sacré bleu! and mourn a football score in the middle of your order. The LBC isn't quite that European.

But regular patrons sip Espresso, eat croissants, read newspapers, engage in spirited conversation and dart in from the natural food market next door to complete their grocery shopping with a loaf of the freshly baked bread that gives the Little Bread Company (LBC) its moniker.

The LBC menu starts with breakfast sandwiches, served on your choice of a bagel, croissant or focaccia with spuds on the side. Though they're called «breakfast sandwiches,» these ham, bacon, egg and cheese confections are served throughout the day. Our favorites include the Daybreak (egg, herb cream cheese, ham & onion on a bagel - $5.75) and the Sunny Side--(egg, avocado, cheddar, tomato and sprouts on grilled focaccia - $6.25.)

Purists may prefer to accompany their tea, freshly ground coffee or Espresso--all available hot or cold--with a selection from the LBC's pastry case. Croissants, Bear Claws, Cinnamon Rolls, Pecan Sticky Buns, Spinach Feta Pockets, Turnovers, Danishes, Bagels, Muffins, Cookies, Biscotti and Grissini are baked fresh daily.

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Have Your Own Home Base in Eureka Springs

You know how self-satisfying it feels to get back home even after a good getaway? Then just imagine feeling the same way at the very START of your vacation.

Eureka House is an actual home-of-your-own while you're away from your own home. For the price of a generic and sterile hotel suite, you can have an entire two-story charm-chocked Cape Cod on 12 very private, high-altitude acres bordering lush forests and overlooking a verdant valley.

And all of it is just a five-minute drive to downtown Eureka Springs.

In lieu of an over-priced pay-as-you-go mini-fridge, you'll find a kitchen Martha Stewart would die for--built-in oven, microwave, an island with a Jenn-Air cooktop and dishwasher. Not to mention china, cookware and the requisite blender for margarita making. Between the kitchen and a drenched-with-daylight sunroom (perfect for morning latte), a dining area seats six. If you choose to dine al fresco, there's a barbeque grill on a generous outdoor deck.

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Sanctity of Marriage Arkansas Style?

Sinner: Ozark siblings announce nuptials.--Headline in the Lovely County Citizen 7/19/07

For the Bible Tells Me So

Winner: We proclaim the Gospel that in Christ all God's children, including gay and lesbian persons, are full and equal participants in the life of Christ's church.--House of Bishops, Episcopal Church USA.

Popularity: 3% [?]

The «streets» of The Pinnacle Hills Promenade in Northwest Arkansas will be transformed into a major Art Festival featuring national and regional artists. The event will be a wonderful place for serious enthusiasts to find one-of-a-kind original art treasures, and to talk one-on-one with the artists about their work. Festival admission is free and is designed to appeal to both novices and experienced collectors, in addition to families seeking an interactive, educational and fun arts environment for themselves and their friends.

See Zeek Taylor's Artists Register to Win for more info.

Popularity: 3% [?]

If one wonders whether or not Eureka Springs is truly an art colony they need only to visit the Eureka Springs Artist Registry for proof. The registry, www.eurekaspringsartists.com, lists over one hundred local artists, shows samples of their work, and is a valuable link to area galleries and events. Participants can register free and for many it is an easy way to get on the web. The site allows art lovers to view work, receive contact information, and learn in what galleries their favorite artists are displayed.

The registry is the brainchild of Steve Schmidt who works constantly and with great expertise promoting area artisans. Besides the registry, Schmidt also sponsors the Eureka Springs Fall Art Fair held in the Inn of the Ozarks Convention Center the Saturday and Sunday after Thanksgiving. For the past two years the fair has featured more Eureka Springs' artists showing at any time in one location.

In addition, Steve working with the Crescent Hotel arranges art showings during the hotel's monthly wine tasting event. He has also arranged numerous displays and receptions in the Community First Bank with the help of his wife Tracey, an employee of the bank. Due to the Schmidt's involvement, Community First now has a permanent collection of locally produced paintings hanging throughout their building.

Steve also arranges monthly shows featuring local artists in Abetica, an upscale design shop in nearby Rogers, AR, owned by newly transplanted Californian Dan Stiel. Stiel is equally excited about Eureka's artists. In an effort to gain more exposure for registry participants, Steve and Dan will host an art fair in the Pinnacle Hills Promenade Shopping Mall in Rogers this Sept 8th and 9th.

Ladies take note: on the same weekend of the Promenade show the Ladies Professional Golf Association is hosting a tournament in the nearby Pinnacle Hills Country Club that will bring an estimated sixty thousand golf lovers to town.

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Here at the Independent Mini Cooper Ministry, we're all a-titter over the arrival of our role models, the Jericho Riders and their Independent Motorcycle Ministry.

The Jericho Riders announced that, on Saturday August 4th, «at noon, in [Basin Park], Jesus Christ WILL be lifted up.» The bookies gathered in our vestry are doing a brisk business with, «Jesus will be lifted with a clean and jerk,» favored over «Jesus will be bench pressed;» current odds: 2:1.

If you know the answer to the eternal question, «WDJW (what does Jesus weigh)?» let us know via our combination prayer request/race sheet tipster hot line so we can win the bet and pour every dime of our wages of sin into Mini Cooper Ministry outreach programs.

You help us scam the vestry bookies; we'll help you get you past the velvet ropes and the big, gnarly, glowing-red-eyed bouncers at the Inferno-- the hottest «It» club on the River Styx.

We can't promise you eternal salvation if you do exactly as we say. At the moment, the Jericho Riders have an exclusive no-bid contract on eternal salvation... and that's fine. The Mini Cooper Ministry is very new in the whole Saving Souls with Matching Vehicles game. We expect to earn our chops. Move up through the ranks. We understand the system and we're willing to pay our dues.

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Matthew 4:19 «And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.»

Fishers. As in fishing. It's a «H» - a H like in Hell.. Is this so hard? But as we reported last week, there seems to be a whole lots of God's Will going on with all sorts of sex acts complete with Bible verse and instructions on the Fisting Is God's Will .

But good lord, one little typo and now the world's largest retailer has a whole new toy line. Sure, I know it was probably a bit dark down in some scribes dungeon and probably that dripping candle wax was distracting the hell out of the boys, but it was an «H» not a «T» - it was supposed to be 'fishing' not fisting.

So yes, it's true. The big Wally has contracted with One 2 Believe to stock the shelves with muscled boys in skirts evidently flexible enough to get them into whatever position you want to teach the art of «fisters of men.» Personally, I think it's going a bit far, but what the hell do I know? Walmart says about 1/6 of their stores will carry the new toys.

I cruised the hard..I mean One 2 believe site and they proudly spout about pressing on - a ditty from Phillipians I presume and that they will influence the world or the world will influence them. Uh...what DOES that mean exactly?

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