Gay News Bureau

Spam! Not the delicious canned stuff.

Yip — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:20:40 +0000

So I get to the office this morning and turn on the computer. (It's about the only thing I'm able to 'turn on' lately. Poor Yip. Poor, poor Yip.)

I check Geekfest while waiting for my email to download. After a few minutes I go to the email file. There they are; 37 emails. 37! WTF?! I've never gotten 37 emails at one time. Not even when I advertise for free sexual favors on Craigslist.

(In fact, when I do that, the only responses I get are along the lines of, 'Yip, go away. Ain't nobody interested in whatever it is you're giving away.')

So I'm thinking, 'Damn! 37 emails! I'm popular all of a sudden!'

I look at the mail. They're all EXACTLY the same!
All 37....exactly the same.

Something like: Cialis Soft-Tabs now available! By mail! PharmCo is proudly announcing this limited-time offer for YOU, Yip! Your erectile dysfunction will be a thing of the past!

My first thought is, 'How the hell did PharmCo know?'

(It's not true, by the way. I can get... *ahem*... 'excited' just thinking about Officer Malone. Or that Italian dude on the luge in Vancouver.)

Damn. 37 emails, not one of them is legit. I ain't so popular after all. Spam, I think is what it's called.

Do people actually fall for this shit?! I certainly don't.

Oh! The postman is finally here! Hope he has my Cialis order.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Spam! Not the delicious canned stuff. (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Her name was Lisa. (This is a repeat)

Yip — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:53:04 +0000

In a break from my usual inane rantings........

~~~~~~~~~

30 years ago this month:

My roommate at the time, Mark, had been out of town. 'Yip, I'm coming in tomorrow night. Plane gets in about 10:00. Can you pick me up at the airport? Use my car. The keys are on the hook in the kitchen.'

About 9:15 I hop into Mark's bright yellow VW and head for the airport. It's a nice, warm evening. Lots of moonlight, not much traffic. I pick Mark up at the gate and we head back to his Midtown, K.C. house. At that time, there was not a lot of development between downtown K.C. and the airport. It was pretty much farmland with an occasional old drive-in motel.

We're driving along, talking about California, the flight back, how many drinks Mark had indulged in, the lousy airline food, (back then they still served food),
when an old pickup truck sped by us. Must have been doing at least 80 mph.

'Oh! Babycakes is in a hurry!' said Mark.

A few minutes later, we round a bend of the highway. There's something up ahead that just doesn't look 'right'.

I slow down a little.

'What's going on up here?'

There are car headlights pointing at us, but.....there's something different....something....out of the ordinary.

Then it hits me.
The headlights are vertical. One above the other, about 3 feet apart. Not horizontal, like they should be.

Oh shit! There's been a wreck.
It's a car off the side of the road, on its side, pointing in the opposite direction of traffic flow.

I pull over, even with the overturned vehicle, which is about 30 yards away from the highway. A taxi pulls up behind us. Dust is flying everywhere, dimming the moonlight. The wreck has justмебель в болгарии happened. I get out of Mark's car and yell to the cab driver,
'Can you call the police with your radio?'
'I already have.' he says, getting out of the cab. We both trot down to the overturned vehicle, with Mark not far behind us.

It's the pickup truck that had sped passed us moments earlier, apparently going too fast to negotiate the curve in the highway. I approach the cab of the pickup, hoping to find someone in there not too banged up. There's nothing in the truck.

I hear the cab driver, who's at the back end of the pickup, 'Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy!'

I run to the back of the pickup.

She's there, crushed under the bed of the truck. Her body is covered by the truck from her stomach on down. All we can see is her upper torso and head, with her arms stretched out above her face.
She's dead.
Apparently thrown out during the wreck, the truck rolling on top of her.

The cab driver pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, unfolded it and placed it over her face. Her eyes were half open, a blank stare. She was pretty. Shoulder-length reddish hair, a few strands floating in the still dusty breeze.
The cab driver gently took one of her hands and cupped it in his as he prayed, 'Dear God, take this child of yours...........'

The police and ambulance showed up a few minutes later. The three of us gave our view of what had happened. We all had tears in our eyes.

Mark and I didn't talk much on the way back to his house. We stayed up late, stared at the walls and drank Scotch.

A couple of days later I found her obituary in the paper.
Her name was Lisa.
I think of her often.

And of the cab driver.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Her name was Lisa. (This is a repeat) (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Monday 'blahs' at the office

Yip — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:01:13 +0000

I'm finding it extremely difficult to get motivated today. Usually, I can go back into the deep, dark bowels of the office and find someone to yell at, and that gives me a quick pick-me-up.

You know, things like, 'What the HELL are you doing?'
or 'Why haven't you finished that yet? You think I'm paying you to sit on your ass and smoke cigarettes and drink coffee?!'
or 'Who do you think you are, putting those files over there?!' (even if - - especially if - - that's where the files are supposed to go.)

I even went into Luthereen's office to make fun of her. (Not Luthereen Flynn in Purchasing, because I'm scared of her, and not Luthereen Willis in Receiving. She's too new for tomfoolery. And not Luthereen Morgan in Advertising. I'm afraid she'd walk out.) It was Luthereen McIntyre over in Research and Development. She's always an easy target. Just the right kind of 'look' at her and she'll burst into tears!

Well shit!
I walk into her office, and there she is with a big, half-empty bottle of Pinot Noir. 'Luthereen, you look like hell today. Where did you get that thing you call a dress?'
She glared at me, a little bit of wine dribbling from the corner of her mouth, and shouted, 'Bring it on, bitch!'
I decided discretion was the better part of valor, so I left her office.

Then I ventured over to Otisette's cubicle. (Not Otisette Williams in Accounts Payable, not Otisette Meyers in Bindery, not Otisette Phillips in the Pressroom, but Otisette Eckersly in Data Processing - the gal with one blue eye and one green eye.) I started singing Don't it Make My Brown Eyes Blue. That usually gets her going. She arched her back like a cat, spit on the floor and yelled, 'Damn you! Damn you, you simpering little faerie!' Then she threw her stapler at me.

I think they're upset because I shortened their lunch hour to 45 minutes.

I was looking in the Suggestion Box last week. Two suggestions, unsigned: 'Shove that new lunch policy up your ass, fella.' and 'Have you ever chugged a pint of bourbon in 45 minutes? Barely enough time to even taste it!'
There was also one of those notes with letters clipped from magazines: 'ONE HOUR for lunch, or somebody will PAY'

The one saving grace this morning was going to CletusAnne's office. (Not CletusAnne Worthington in Building Maintenance, not CletusAnne Simmons in the Cafeteria, but CletusAnne Ritter in Promotions.) She had just made a big bowl of rum punch.
'CletusAnne, this needs a bunch more rum for it to be any good.'
Her lip quivered a little, 'Oh, sir, I'm......I'm sooooo sorry! I'll try to do better next time. Please......I'm sorry, really!'

It brought a smile to my face. This afternoon will be better, I'm sure.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Monday 'blahs' at the office (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Enough chili for every man, woman and child in Ohio. With some left over.

Yip — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:39:53 +0000

On the phone last night, about 6:30 p.m.

Yip: Hi dad, what are you doing? How you feeling today?

Dad: Oh, pretty good. My legs are hurting a little, but I feel pretty good. Hey, I made a big batch of chili but it's way too thick. What do you think I should do?

Y: Well, I'd put in some tomato sauce, maybe crushed or diced tomatoes, and water. Of course, you're going to have to re-season it after it's diluted.

D: I made a whole shit pot full! Should I put in more onions?

Y: I don't know dad. After you dilute it, taste it. See if you think it needs more onions. It'll probably need more of whatever spices you put in to begin with.

D: I put in a bunch of beans, too. Canned beans. You know, those red ones. Maybe I should put more beans in too. Should I put more onions in?

Y: (moan) Yeah. Probably. Do you have any tomato sauce?

D: Damned if I know. No, I don't think so.

Y: Probably not. I'll pick up a few cans and be over tomorrow.

D: No rush.
~~~~~~~~~~~
After watching a really cute man for an inappropriate amount of time in the tomato aisle of the store, I head over to my father's place. He proudly takes a HUGE pot from the fridge and puts it on the counter. Jesus H. Christ. There must be 2 gallons of something - - he calls it chili - - in the pot. It's one of those big pots that usually is used for boiling quarts of home-canned veggies and fruit. It's about 2/3 full of this ........... stuff.

This is a man who finds it difficult to eat more than 2 chicken wings at one sitting. He can eat 1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream, but only 3 bites of salad. (I'm not exaggerating. This is true.)

D: See how thick it is? I chopped up another onion for it.

It looks like brown, lumpy putty.

Y: Yeah. It's pretty thick alright. Throw in a can of tomato sauce and a bunch of water.

D: How much?

Y: Good God, man. I'm not Julia Child. Pour a bunch in until it's the consistency you want, I guess. Then check the seasonings. You may want to add more chili powder or something. I don't think it needs any more onions though.

D: That's good. I don't have any more. I'm out of beans, too.

Y: I'll pick up some stuff at the store for you.

D: Thanks. Get some ice cream too, okay?

He tries. God bless him, he tries.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Enough chili for every man, woman and child in Ohio. With some left over. (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Summer, 2009 D.W. - One of the BEST!

Yip — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:28:24 +0000

Yes, it's another inane, somewhat inappropriate, and often times sleep-inducing report of my happenings during the last Diversity Weekend.

Warning: The following is about as informative and entertaining as a head of cabbage.

We cannot be held responsible for you screaming 'Why the HELL does he write this shit?!' and throwing your computer out of the nearest window.
~~~~~
We gassed up the Yipmobile, made sure Barbie was safely ensconced by the front license plate (a trick I learned from Mitt Romney and his canine friend) and loaded everyone else inside. Queen Diva Luscious and Mrs. Manners bitched at each other all the way to Eureka. I knew it would happen. When those two get together, it's exceedingly painful for the rest of us.

M.M.: 'Mrs. Manners would very much appreciate a short visit to the Precious Moments Chapel. She simply adores those charming children portrayed in such a lovely medium! She also has a simple question for our driver - are we there yet?'

Q.D.L.: 'Why you talk like dat, bitch? Can't you jus say 'I wanna go dare'? 'Sides, ain't nobody wanna go dare but ol' people like you.
Yip baby, you gonna be stoppin at da adult video store, ain't ya? Ya know I gots ta see me some tits an' ass, baby. Who stole my ham samwich? You got it, bitch?
We be dare yet?'

Offstage Announcer: 'I would imagine Yip wants to get to Eureka as quickly as possible. It's doubtful there will be any stops along the way. Yip? Are we there yet?'

Yip: 'JEEzuz H. Christ! Am I going to have to turn this car around? ALL of you sit down and shut up!'

Q.D.L.: 'They ain't no mayo on my samwich! We dare yet?'

There's something bothering me. I mean, besides all the crap my passengers are spewing. Something I can't put my finger on. Am I forgetting something? I think I packed everything for the weekend.......something's not right.
~~~~~

After checking into our room at the Tradewinds, Sparky and Amos dropped by!

Sparks took pictures of Yipmobile Barbie, and our other guest, Pool Party Barbie. She's Mattel's latest in the Barbie collection. She comes complete with a pool jacket, tattoos and a fluffy blond muff! She has 'Barbie and LuLu 4 Ever!' tattooed on her back. Yes, she's Mattel's first openly lesbian Barbie!

Off to Henri's for some no-no beverages, then to the Meet n Greet for wonderful pizza. Amos, being the slut he is, tried to pick up every man he saw. (In all honesty, I saw several that I would have picked up, too, slut that I am.) But, alas, show business was calling me down to Eureka Live for Tinman Daniel's magic show and fire dance. WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! All bullshit aside, Daniel really does put on a great show. I have no idea how he does what he does, but it's SO neat to watch! Any time I can watch a handsome man dance and fling fire all around, I'm THERE! The audience LOVED it!

Saturday's PDA in Basin Park was attended by gobs and gobs of gay folks doing what we do without even thinking about it; being fabulous. The straight folks were fabulous too! (What did I expect them to be?!! This is Eureka!!)

There were some other folks there that want everyone to think they're straight. They were basically unfabulous, but they did NOT damped the spirit! Not one bit!

And I got to have a conversation with a hawt Cop-On-A-Bike! **Note to self: Write a thank-you note to the City of Eureka for hiring such handsome coppers.**

We dropped by Charlie and Alvin's new digs to check out the *ahem* scenery. The place is coming along beautifully. (And Amos looked quite fetching in his pink swim suit.)

Off to the art gallery for some EXCELLENT food, marvy company, and beautiful artwork. Those folks did a GREAT job. I got to see some peeps I hadn't seen in quite a while, and met some new ones - now THAT was a treat!

Back to Eureka Live for a repeat performance with Tinman Daniel. His assistant, who shall remain nameless, made a couple of errors during this show. I don't think the audience even knew it though. Daniel made up for the faux pas and didn't miss a beat. That's how much of a professional he is.

The Doc and I had a great conversation involving tattoos, homophobes and bi-gurls. What a guy! I love Doc.

Back at the Tradewinds I kicked Manners, the Queen and the Announcer out of bed and fell into a deep sleep. (Some people call it passing out. Yes, there was an abundance of no-no beverages Saturday night.)

But all this time, I keep thinking I'm forgetting something....?? I don't know what. Just a little inkling in the back of my (small, and seldom seen) brain. What is it??? Damned if I know.

Sunday morning was way cool. Got to have breakfast with some super nice people. Good food, better conversation, and a lot of laughs.

Then came time to head back to Kansas City and real life. And ... there's still that 'thing' in the back of my mind. Something's not right.
?
We went speeding through the Twin Cities (Gateway and Seligman) with tears in our eyes for having to leave the Lovely County. We fed the Yipmobile some gas in Sarcoxie, and got myself all tanked up on coffee for the long trip back.

Four hours or so later, we're back in K.C. The Boy and Fred wanted to hear all about the weekend. The kitty yawned and went to sleep.
The Boy: 'Dad, you forgot to take these.' He was pointing to two bags on the dining room table. Two bags that were full of ..... other bags. For Focker's.

SHIT!!
THAT'S what I was forgetting! I had been saving bags to give to the Focker's gurls, and totally forgot to throw them in the car.
Sorry, Fockers. My bad.

That means only one thing: I have to go back to Eureka!

Hopefully I'll make it even before the next D.W. There are sooooo many people I enjoy seeing and gabbing with.
I LOVE Eureka Springs. I LOVE the people that live and frequent the town.

Your faithful, humble, obedient, homa seckshul servant,
Yip.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Summer, 2009 D.W. - One of the BEST! (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

My Perfect Murder.

Yip — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:31:42 +0000

Picture it:

I'm sitting here at my desk, squirming.

It occurs to me that I'm squirming because I need to use the restroom. (Yeah, I'm kinda dense about some things. Frankly, some of you would probably edfanot want to 'picture it'. Don't think I'd blame you.)

Anyway, I make my way back to the spacious men's room here in the Yip building, on Yip Boulevard, in beautiful downtown Yip. I do my 'business'.
I shall refrain from offering specifics of the event.

*Mrs. Manners* Thank you.

I turn to the marble-inlaid (in designs of little butterflies and flowers) sink.

There it is, glaring at me.
A spider.

My first inclination is to scream like a six year old girl (who wears her hair in pigtails, of course).
I feel the shriek welling up inside, about to burst forth, when it hits me; I'm bigger than the spider. Bigger by probably 155 pounds or so, and about 5 foot, 9 inches. Why, this spider can't possibly weigh more than a few pounds, and is only about 2 inches tall.

Yeah. I've got the upper hand here. What's more, he (She? I didn't turn the little marauder over to check.) is right below the hot water faucet.

Deftly, with lightening speed, I turn the hot water on.
Full force.
The spider, kicking and screaming, swirls down the drain.

Yeah. I'm butch. Do NOT mess with me.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: My Perfect Murder. (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Is this enough barley? Better add some more.......

Yip — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:48:29 +0000

Last night, with nothing else in mind for din-din, I decided to make a beef stew (pronounced 'stoo') type of thing.

Aside: (This is important, people. Read it.) Whenever I have leftover veggies or beef gravy, I put it in a zipper bag in the freezer for times such as last night. After the bag gets a whole bunch of stuff in it, I cook up some beef, toss in the veggie/gravy stuff, and, Eureka! Beef stoo! (sort of)

Ok, so anyway, I'm getting ready to make the stoo. I remember me dear sainted Mama Yip sometimes including barley in soups and stoos.

As it happens, I have some barley in my extensively-stocked pantry! (By 'extensively-stocked', I mean there's 1 bag of penne pasta and a can of crushed tomatoes. I think there's a half-eaten Hershey bar and some kosher salt in there too.)

I throw a bunch of the barley in the stoo. After a while, dinner was served, with a glass or two (Ok, 7 glasses. Or was it 8?) of red wine - shiraz/grenache to be exact. Pretty damned good, if I say so myself! I mean, I'm no Bobby Flay. I'm no Ming. I'm no French dude (can't remember his name). I'm no Julia Child - though we do bear a striking resemblance. But all in all, it was pretty tasty.

So. Here comes the reason for this missive.

*Mrs. Manners*
Thank the gods there IS a point to this tedium.

Later, as I was cleaning up the kitchen, because god knows no other swingin' richard in the place is going to do it, I look in the Dutch oven .... JEEzuzMaryandJoseph! The barley has grown! It's soaked up all remaining liquid and expanded to roughly 6 times its original size.

I guess I put too much in to begin with. One day I'll learn.

*Mrs. M.*
I rather doubt it.

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Is this enough barley? Better add some more....... (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

One man's crap is another man's..........crap. But it's free!

Yip — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:55:36 +0000

After a kitchen remodel, I had an old (ancient!) dishwasher to get rid of, along with some other crap (not 'good' crap, 'bad' crap) including a couple of broken patio tables, a patio heater, about 12 feet of duct work, and miscellaneous (bad) crap.

This was all stuff the regular trash pickup won't accept. So, I call the city to make an appointment for what they call 'bulky item pickup'. I'm told to have the crap out by the street no later than 7:00 A.M. the day of the appointment.

Being the clever lad I am (read: to damned lazy to get up at 5:30 to move the crap to the curb), I put it out at about 8:30 the night before. I showered, got all sparkly and shiny clean, and went out for an evening of no-no beverages and delightful dining with some other homa seckshuls.

I arrive back at Hell's Half Acre at about 11:00 that night. EVERYTHING, except one broken patio table, is GONE!

Maybe that crap wasn't so bad after all! Right now, somewhere in the K.C. area, some guy is thinking to himself, 'What am I gonna do with this crap? Oh well, it was free.'

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: One man's crap is another man's..........crap. But it's free! (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Arkansas Domestic Partnership Registry Under Attack

Michael Walsh — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:42:45 +0000

The only Domestic Partnership Registry in Arkansas--and one of the few in the Mid-South region of the country--may soon be history, if one right-wing state legislator has his way.

But the City of Eureka Springs and DPR advocates, vow to vigorously oppose a move by Republican Arkansas State Rep. Bryan King to do away with it.

In only 22 months, 256 unmarried couples from 55 Arkansas communities and 14 other states have registered as domestic partners in Eureka Springs.

At least 28 of those couples came from neighboring Oklahoma and another 32 from Missouri, says Michael Walsh, who wrote the domestic partnership law that went into effect in June 2007.

Efforts to keep the resort town from officially honoring gay and straight couples is «transparent homophobia,» he says.

«There are six words to describe State Rep. Bryan King of Arkansas,» said Walsh, «and they are, 'State Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma'. To know one is to know the other.»

DPR advocates say it is hypocritical for any state lawmaker to condemn municipal domestic partnership laws while accepting campaign contributions from Kraft Foods, Wal-Mart, FedEx and Cox Communications--companies that have domestic partner policies.

King is serving his final term as state representative and may next run for the Arkansas senate. His detractors say he has nothing to lose and much to gain with a self-serving assault on the DPR at this time.

King introduced his anti-DPR measure March 9. Out lesbian Arkansas State Rep. Kathy Webb, a Democrat, opposes the ban and has said it may be killed at the committee level. Arkansas Speaker of the House Robbie Wills is also on record as opposing the bill.

But Eureka Springs city officials are not taking any chances. In a statement signed by the entire Eureka Springs City Council, Mayor Dani Joy strongly defended the DPR and condemned King's intrusion into city affairs.

«I will not stand silent any longer and allow a demographic of our citizens to be humiliated and degraded,» she said. «Prejudice or bigotry have no place in our city. The gay and lesbian community are our friends, neighbors and family.»

The editor of the town's weekly newspaper, The Lovely County Citizen, characterized King's anti-DPR bill as a «regressive, faith-based, discriminatory, venal . . . and cynical act.»

It is, said editor Don Lee in a editorial, «demagoguery based on religious prejudice bordering on moral fascism . . .»

The Carroll County (AR) News reported King «felt the bill (to ban DPRs) was needed because tourism in Eureka Springs has become identified too strongly with issues of sexuality.»

Given the town's long-standing reputation as a major wedding destination, King's rationale is fraudulent, says Walsh.

«What the hell does he think goes on in all those heart shaped hot tubs and honeymoon cabins,» Walsh said. «King's real aim is to impose his extremist religious and political views on our town and at the expense gay residents, business owners and tourists.

«Playing the gay card is a way for cheap politicians in Arkansas to fan the fires of hate and fatten up their campaign coffers.»

But, on the brink of what may be a precarious tourist season, King's bill could also deprive the town of a critical revenue stream.

According to city records, the DPR has generated almost $10,000 for the city in less than two years. Registration costs $35 per couple.

Walsh puts the figure at closer to $250,000 to $500,000 when DPR-related expenditures on hotels, motels, B &Bs, restaurants, bars, caterers, ministers, florists, gift shops, photographers and spending by friends and families are included.

«Precisely when the state needs all the tax revenue it can it, King's bill is exceedingly short-sighted,» he said.

SOS the DPR - What YOU can do

* Express your support, by sending a brief e-mail to Eureka Springs Mayor Dani Joy at mayor@cityofeurekasprings.orgonline casino

Example: ««I (We) stand with you in support of the Eureka Springs Domestic Partnership Registry.»

Or write your own. Be sure to add your name, city and state.

* Express your outrage to Arkansas State Rep. Bryan King at: kingb@arkleg.state.ar.us

* Ask your friends, co-workers, family members and neighbors to do the same.

* Send this story to news outlets, LGBT organizations, web sites and blogs.

* Ask your elected local and state representatives to speak out on this issue. As did the Eureka Springs mayor when Sally Kern was on the rampage last year.

* Come to Eureka Springs for Diversity Weekend April 3-5 and get your own DPR. See www.eurekapride.com for events.

Categories: Business News, Politics.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Arkansas Domestic Partnership Registry Under Attack (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.

Dream? Reality? Damned if I know.

Yip — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:53:51 +0000

I've been gone for a few days, but, just like the proverbial bad check, I've returned.

I'm not sure if the past few days have been a dream or reality.

In speaking with my shrink -- I mean, psychiatrist (not good to mention the word 'shrink' to a man during this cold weather, ya know) -- he's decided one of the following is my reality (in no particular order):

1. I've been engaged in a rasslin' match with a she-demon in the purple waves of the 9th astral plane.

2. I fell into a sink hole in the outer reaches of Hell's Half Acre. I subsisted for 6 days by eating bugs and worms, and squeezing water from the muddy walls of the sink hole. At one point, The Boy (Little Yip) passed by, spotted me screaming for help 32 feet below the surface, and shouted down to me, 'Piss off, old man! I found the car keys, I'm taking the cat with me.'

3. I made the mistake of shopping at Wal-Mart. I'm still in line at the checkout, behind 7 morbidly obese, toothless people from Independence, who have horrific body odor.
(Disclaimer: This is MY dream and/or reality, folks. I don't presume to think everyone who shops at Wal-Mart is morbidly obese, toothless, and has horrific body odor. But, it's a proven fact that 99.99 percent of them ARE from Independence. Go ahead. Google it. You'll see.)

4. Anderson Cooper asked for my input on a story he's doing for Oprah. I'm sworn to secrecy. All I can say is, it has something to do with chocolate syrup, male enhancement drugs and gerbils. No, really.

5. A lovely young woman from Des Moines has been teaching me to play the harp, cymbals and ocarina. All at the same time. (You oughtta hear me do Blues in the Night!)

6. My sister (Whoretense) has had me tied to a kitchen chair while she read selected verses from Leviticus and forced me to watch The 700 Club. ('Don't JEEzuz rock, Yip?! Don't he?!')

7. Sarah Palin flew over Hell's Half Acre and mistook me for a wolf.

8. That dude from Law and Order invited me, Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Christian Bale and Daniel Craig over for 'dinner'. (That's what he told me to call it.)

9. I've been in Minneapolis, tap dancing with a senator. (He's a nice enough guy, I guess, but he's sure no Ann Miller when it comes to tap dancing.) It wasn't all bad though. I met a really cute cop who gave me his phone number.

10. I've been baking Alice B. Toklas brownies. It takes longer than one would think.
I think. **giggle** Maybe not. **giggle** No, I think it does. **giggle**
Now I've just got to figure out which of these are reality and which are dreams.

I'll be back to normal once I figure it all out.

Or will I??

Categories: Travel News.

Share this post:
Delicious

Digg

Google Bookmarks

Reddit

Slashdot

Stumbleupon

Technorati Favorites

Yahoo MyWeb

Permanent link: Dream? Reality? Damned if I know. (Write a comment).
Read more: Gay News Bureau.