I'm finding it extremely difficult to get motivated today. Usually, I can go back into the deep, dark bowels of the office and find someone to yell at, and that gives me a quick pick-me-up.

You know, things like, 'What the HELL are you doing?'
or 'Why haven't you finished that yet? You think I'm paying you to sit on your ass and smoke cigarettes and drink coffee?!'
or 'Who do you think you are, putting those files over there?!' (even if - - especially if - - that's where the files are supposed to go.)

I even went into Luthereen's office to make fun of her. (Not Luthereen Flynn in Purchasing, because I'm scared of her, and not Luthereen Willis in Receiving. She's too new for tomfoolery. And not Luthereen Morgan in Advertising. I'm afraid she'd walk out.) It was Luthereen McIntyre over in Research and Development. She's always an easy target. Just the right kind of 'look' at her and she'll burst into tears!

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On the phone last night, about 6:30 p.m.

Yip: Hi dad, what are you doing? How you feeling today?

Dad: Oh, pretty good. My legs are hurting a little, but I feel pretty good. Hey, I made a big batch of chili but it's way too thick. What do you think I should do?

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Yes, it's another inane, somewhat inappropriate, and often times sleep-inducing report of my happenings during the last Diversity Weekend.

Warning: The following is about as informative and entertaining as a head of cabbage.

We cannot be held responsible for you screaming 'Why the HELL does he write this shit?!' and throwing your computer out of the nearest window.
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We gassed up the Yipmobile, made sure Barbie was safely ensconced by the front license plate (a trick I learned from Mitt Romney and his canine friend) and loaded everyone else inside. Queen Diva Luscious and Mrs. Manners bitched at each other all the way to Eureka. I knew it would happen. When those two get together, it's exceedingly painful for the rest of us.

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Picture it:

I'm sitting here at my desk, squirming.

It occurs to me that I'm squirming because I need to use the restroom. (Yeah, I'm kinda dense about some things. Frankly, some of you would probably edfanot want to 'picture it'. Don't think I'd blame you.)

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Last night, with nothing else in mind for din-din, I decided to make a beef stew (pronounced 'stoo') type of thing.

Aside: (This is important, people. Read it.) Whenever I have leftover veggies or beef gravy, I put it in a zipper bag in the freezer for times such as last night. After the bag gets a whole bunch of stuff in it, I cook up some beef, toss in the veggie/gravy stuff, and, Eureka! Beef stoo! (sort of)

Ok, so anyway, I'm getting ready to make the stoo. I remember me dear sainted Mama Yip sometimes including barley in soups and stoos.

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After a kitchen remodel, I had an old (ancient!) dishwasher to get rid of, along with some other crap (not 'good' crap, 'bad' crap) including a couple of broken patio tables, a patio heater, about 12 feet of duct work, and miscellaneous (bad) crap.

This was all stuff the regular trash pickup won't accept.  So, I call the city to make an appointment for what they call 'bulky item pickup'.  I'm told to have the crap out by the street no later than 7:00 A.M. the day of the appointment.

Being the clever lad I am (read:  to damned lazy to get up at 5:30 to move the crap to the curb), I put it out at about 8:30 the night before.   I showered, got all sparkly and shiny clean, and went out for an evening of no-no beverages and delightful dining with some other homa seckshuls.

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I've been gone for a few days, but, just like the proverbial bad check, I've returned.

I'm not sure if the past few days have been a dream or reality.

In speaking with my shrink -- I mean, psychiatrist (not good to mention the word 'shrink' to a man during this cold weather, ya know) -- he's decided one of the following is my reality (in no particular order):

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In spite of Doris Day singing Que Sera Sera in my ear, these burning questions (in no particular order of importance) have been keeping me up at night.

What will 2009 bring?

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*Offstage Announcer*

Ladies and gentlemen, it was my great pleasure to interview Governor Sarah Palin (Wingnut-AK) during her visit to the United Nations today.  I found her to be quite gracious, stunningly attractive and more than willing to share her thoughts - unrehearsed and sans cue cards - regarding meeting foreign heads of state for the first time.  Here is a sample of our talk, which took place in the foyer of the United Nations Building:

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