In a GQ article entitled, «Is this guy for real?» Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee explains that gay marriage will end civilization. «There's never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived,» says Huck. Except, of course, for the civilization Huckabee proposes to lead--the United States of America--which has radically redefined marriage several times since the nation's inception.

Here's a news flash: Women and children are no longer the property of the household's alpha male, as they were when the US started writing its many radical revisions of the definition of marriage and family. We've been changing the rules in this great nation of ours since 1830. That's 177 years, Huck. Try to keep up.

Next, Pope Benedict XVI piled on with his claim that gay marriage is on par with nuclear proliferation as a threat to world peace. Gays. Nuclear warheads. Gays win. All righty.

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We didn't want to miss yesterday's «Christian Perspective» program on KTCN 100.9 FM because it featured an interview with Eureka's own local Jericho Rider, Kevin B. Thompson.

Thompson announced his appearance on the Jericho Rider's forum with the comment, «I am asking that you please pray for me, though I know that Jesus is with me, my flesh still wants to be nervous.» So, before we move briskly along to the sort of commentary that makes the Baby Jesus cry, a brief pause for this supportive message:

[Kevin, you have a very nice radio voice and you did just fine. See? You even had a fan call from the earnest listener who called in to play, «Stump the Pastor» with his obscure Bible question.]

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This year, as we bow our heads over our giblets, we have reason to put a little extra «thanks» into Thanksgiving: The One News What? blog.

One News What? is described as, «An exploratory study of the loony wing of the Christian Right» or, as author vesti explains in his inaugural post,

Hello, and welcome to the disturbing world of OneNewsNow.com. It's a vast, dark, ignorant, vacant lot of fundamentalist id, where like-minded evangelical extremists can fight over who loves Jesus the most (hint - to win, you have to REALLY hate homosexuals).

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Though incessantly threatening to stay away in droves from Gay Mecca, ultra-Christian fringies can't seem to make up their righteous minds.

Boycott--kinda, sorta, maybe, not really I:

Within a week of calling for a «nationwide boycott» of Eureka Springs, the rabidly anti-gay Jericho Riders (so-called) Christian Motorcycle Ministry had an apparent change of heart and announced that it would be returning to hold yet another cast-out-the-queers «prayer walk» in Basin Park December 7.

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Just when we thought we'd heard the last word on gay slang (which happened about the time our local Religious Rightfolk decided that «eclectic» is secret code for «gay,») a new definition appeared in the Official Gay Dictionary.

(Why yes, Mary. There is one.)

Our Gay News adjective of the day is, «Post Label,» defined as, «A term used to describe individuals that prefer not to label their sexual identity as gay, bisexual or straight. Post-label individuals see sexuality as more fluid than the traditionally rigid interpretations of gay or straight.»

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We knew it.

Here at Gay News, we weren't a bit surprised when J.K. Rowling outed an imaginary character from her popular, «Harry Potter» series. We always suspected the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry likes a bit of wand.

One imaginary gay icon reacted swiftly to the news.

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A two-thirds majority of the Gay News staff was recently stricken by flu. We know America counts on the GLBT community to keep our less fortunately endowed brothers and sisters ahead of the cultural curve. So we're pleased to report that, by the time the first flu clinic in Arkansas opened, Gay News staffers were already rolling their eyes and flipping their wrists in a dismissive gesture. «Flu? Puh-leeze. That's so last week!»

We did our best to remain limply vigilant throughout the ordeal and, at first we thought it was the fever but no--now that the medication has worn off--we believe we're seeing the first signs of an unmistakable trend.

It started with a flurry of correspondence, blogs and posts on local bulletin boards. The message from new citizens and visitors: «Hey, where is the circuit? We've been looking high and low in Eureka Springs, and all we find is boring gay couples shopping for tchotchkes together and mixed groups of couples and singles, gay and straight, all hanging out together in the same places. Where are the wild, debauched, gay recruitment parties the religious right have been telling us so much about?»

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September 12, 2007

Blog Numero Uno got so much attention--I've been swamped with positive feedback from people all over the country and lots of townspeople here in Eureka Springs, where it got picked up by the local website gaynewsbureau.com--that I find myself already cranking out my second blog just two weeks later. Notice how comfortable I already am using that insufferable term «blog.» If anybody out there knows how to get rich with a blog, let me know. I did send it to Arianna Huffington.

Today is the last day of my thirties! I turn the big 4-Oh! in a matter of hours now and am inviting the whole town of Eureka Springs to help me celebrate! I will be holding court at New Delhi (name another American town of 2,000 people with a fabulous Indian restaurant!) tomorrow (Thursday) night from six until nine, and then it will be on to the terrace atop the Crescent Hotel, the very grand limestone «castle in the wilderness» built in 1886, for a toast.

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Hi from Eureka Springs, Arkansas--the funkiest little town in America and perhaps the entire world!

This place has so much character--and so many characters--I can't believe it took me 40 years to discover it. A mere village of just 2,000 people, Eureka Springs is New Orleans meets Aspen meets San Francisco meets Hooterville! I got here two weeks ago today, and I'm here for good!

So how did this Houston-based journalist end up in the alternate universe that is Eureka Springs? After spending the first week of July at the Rainbow Gathering, camped out with 5,000 hippies and freaks of every stripe in the gorgeous Ozark National Forest of Arkansas, my two traveling companions and I descended on Eureka Springs, just an hour's drive to the north, to come down from our Rainbow experience.

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I saw an article in the news today describing how your organization is protesting the decision of the city of Eureka Springs, Arkansas to welcome participants in the Celebrate Diversity festivities this coming weekend.

After hearing about the goings on in Eureka Springs during the last visit by a motorcycle gang in which a handful of members of the Bandidos were clubbed like baby seals by a handful of Hell's Angels, I can understand why you would want to protest who the city of Eureka Springs allows to visit their quiet and peaceful community. This is particularly true in your case since your cause is so much more vital and important than the drug addled, jack booted thugs who were responsible for the recent light hearted rabble rousing.

Given the choice between the widely divergent agendas of your «gang» and the fun loving gypsies celebrating diversity, I should think the city would have little trouble in seeing your way and banning those free thinking peaceniks forever.

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