I haven’t posted anything here in almost two months. Where have I been? Well, it’s like this:
I was over England way doing a line with Whitney Houston. Whitney has enough money that she can buy some really GOOD shit, too. Just about the time we got to feelin’ pretty good, some super model whose name I can’t remember right now (SSMWNICRRN), walked in the room and threw a cell phone at me!
Now, I’m a pretty easy goin’ guy, but I’ll tell you what! When SSMWNICRRN throws a cell phone at me, while I’m doin’ a line with a pop diva (most ANY pop diva) well, that’s when I tend to lose my cool.
I stood up, told SSMWNICRRN, ‘I don’t like that very much!’ (Yes, I can get verbally abusive under such circumstances. Guess I really told her!!) and I stormed out of the room.
It was a grand exit, too! Sort of like Loretta Young when she would come through the door at the beginning of that show she had on teevee, only it was in reverse. And I wasn’t wearing a long, flowing gown. On that particular day I had chosen Capri pants and flats, with a simple knit top. It seemed appropriate attire for doing a line with Whitney.
I think Ms. Houston knows I’m upset over the brouhaha. She hasn’t tried to call me or anything, but she knows I’ll cool down soon enough. After all, it wasn’t really her fault.
Besides, on the plane back to the good ole’ U. S. of A., I was seated next to that cute little gal who didn’t win American Idol. (First class, of course.) We sang all of Gale Storm’s hit all the way home!
She invited me into the toilet to do a line with her, one of the cabin attendants, and the co-pilot. Unfortunately the toilet wasn’t big enough for all of us, and the co-pilot was a bit pushy about getting his first, so I contented myself with reading a month-old copy of Cosmo and sipping a dirty martini. It all turned out fine in the long run. I learned a lot about the female orgasm from Cosmo, and the martini was absolutely delicious!
So, that’s where I’ve been. Not masturbating, or anything like that, just flying around the world doing lines with famous and not-so-famous pop divas.