Yes, it’s another inane, somewhat inappropriate, and often times sleep-inducing report of my happenings during the last Diversity Weekend.
Warning: The following is about as informative and entertaining as a head of cabbage.
We cannot be held responsible for you screaming ‘Why the HELL does he write this shit?!’ and throwing your computer out of the nearest window.
We gassed up the Yipmobile, made sure Barbie was safely ensconced by the front license plate (a trick I learned from Mitt Romney and his canine friend) and loaded everyone else inside. Queen Diva Luscious and Mrs. Manners bitched at each other all the way to Eureka. I knew it would happen. When those two get together, it’s exceedingly painful for the rest of us.
M.M.: ‘Mrs. Manners would very much appreciate a short visit to the Precious Moments Chapel. She simply adores those charming children portrayed in such a lovely medium! She also has a simple question for our driver – are we there yet?’
Q.D.L.: ‘Why you talk like dat, bitch? Can’t you jus say ‘I wanna go dare’? ‘Sides, ain’t nobody wanna go dare but ol’ people like you.
Yip baby, you gonna be stoppin at da adult video store, ain’t ya? Ya know I gots ta see me some tits an’ ass, baby. Who stole my ham samwich? You got it, bitch?
We be dare yet?’
Offstage Announcer: ‘I would imagine Yip wants to get to Eureka as quickly as possible. It’s doubtful there will be any stops along the way. Yip? Are we there yet?’
Yip: ‘JEEzuz H. Christ! Am I going to have to turn this car around? ALL of you sit down and shut up!’
Q.D.L.: ‘They ain’t no mayo on my samwich! We dare yet?’
There’s something bothering me. I mean, besides all the crap my passengers are spewing. Something I can’t put my finger on. Am I forgetting something? I think I packed everything for the weekend…….something’s not right.
After checking into our room at the Tradewinds, Sparky and Amos dropped by!
Sparks took pictures of Yipmobile Barbie, and our other guest, Pool Party Barbie. She’s Mattel’s latest in the Barbie collection. She comes complete with a pool jacket, tattoos and a fluffy blond muff! She has ‘Barbie and LuLu 4 Ever!’ tattooed on her back. Yes, she’s Mattel’s first openly lesbian Barbie!
Off to Henri’s for some no-no beverages, then to the Meet n Greet for wonderful pizza. Amos, being the slut he is, tried to pick up every man he saw. (In all honesty, I saw several that I would have picked up, too, slut that I am.) But, alas, show business was calling me down to Eureka Live for Tinman Daniel’s magic show and fire dance. WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!! All bullshit aside, Daniel really does put on a great show. I have no idea how he does what he does, but it’s SO neat to watch! Any time I can watch a handsome man dance and fling fire all around, I’m THERE! The audience LOVED it!
Saturday’s PDA in Basin Park was attended by gobs and gobs of gay folks doing what we do without even thinking about it; being fabulous. The straight folks were fabulous too! (What did I expect them to be?!! This is Eureka!!)
There were some other folks there that want everyone to think they’re straight. They were basically unfabulous, but they did NOT damped the spirit! Not one bit!
And I got to have a conversation with a hawt Cop-On-A-Bike! **Note to self: Write a thank-you note to the City of Eureka for hiring such handsome coppers.**
We dropped by Charlie and Alvin’s new digs to check out the *ahem* scenery. The place is coming along beautifully. (And Amos looked quite fetching in his pink swim suit.)
Off to the art gallery for some EXCELLENT food, marvy company, and beautiful artwork. Those folks did a GREAT job. I got to see some peeps I hadn’t seen in quite a while, and met some new ones – now THAT was a treat!
Back to Eureka Live for a repeat performance with Tinman Daniel. His assistant, who shall remain nameless, made a couple of errors during this show. I don’t think the audience even knew it though. Daniel made up for the faux pas and didn’t miss a beat. That’s how much of a professional he is.
The Doc and I had a great conversation involving tattoos, homophobes and bi-gurls. What a guy! I love Doc.
Back at the Tradewinds I kicked Manners, the Queen and the Announcer out of bed and fell into a deep sleep. (Some people call it passing out. Yes, there was an abundance of no-no beverages Saturday night.)
But all this time, I keep thinking I’m forgetting something….?? I don’t know what. Just a little inkling in the back of my (small, and seldom seen) brain. What is it??? Damned if I know.
Sunday morning was way cool. Got to have breakfast with some super nice people. Good food, better conversation, and a lot of laughs.
Then came time to head back to Kansas City and real life. And … there’s still that ‘thing’ in the back of my mind. Something’s not right.
We went speeding through the Twin Cities (Gateway and Seligman) with tears in our eyes for having to leave the Lovely County. We fed the Yipmobile some gas in Sarcoxie, and got myself all tanked up on coffee for the long trip back.
Four hours or so later, we’re back in K.C. The Boy and Fred wanted to hear all about the weekend. The kitty yawned and went to sleep.
The Boy: ‘Dad, you forgot to take these.’ He was pointing to two bags on the dining room table. Two bags that were full of ….. other bags. For Focker’s.
THAT’S what I was forgetting! I had been saving bags to give to the Focker’s gurls, and totally forgot to throw them in the car.
Sorry, Fockers. My bad.
That means only one thing: I have to go back to Eureka!
Hopefully I’ll make it even before the next D.W. There are sooooo many people I enjoy seeing and gabbing with.
I LOVE Eureka Springs. I LOVE the people that live and frequent the town.
Your faithful, humble, obedient, homa seckshul servant,