I've put it off long enough.  I've GOT to update my kitchen.  New sink and faucet, new dishwasher...a whole bunch of shiny new stuff.  Most of  what I have now doesn't work properly, or leaks, or is just plain UGLY.

Last week, I'm in Home Depot, looking for a dishwasher.

In the appliance department, I spot a washer.  It's in my price range, but it's got a stainless steel front. I would really prefer white. 
I look around for a sales clerk. 
Nobody.
I wander around for a few minutes, looking at the appliances.
6 or 7 minutes pass, a woman wearing an orange apron walks into the appliance area.
She sees me playing with the dishwasher, but keeps her distance.

«Excuse me, do you know if this is available in white?»  I ask.

«Ummmm.....well......Sharon's on break.»

I'm thinking:  who the hell is Sharon, and what does her being on break have to do with the price of tomatoes?  Or the color of dishwashers, for that matter?

«I work in Lawn and Garden.»  The clerk says to me.  Then, giggling, she shouts, «Earl!  Earl!» and trots down a nearby aisle. 

I'm thinking:  Well, Earl might be Sharon's supervisor, or at least someone who knows if a particular washer is available in white. 

Wrong! 

Orange apron grabs Earl's arm, giggling, and they continue walking down the aisle, away from me.  I'm left fondling a Maytag with nobody else in sight.  As far as I could tell, Earl wasn't the kind of man that most girls would giggle over, but what do I know about the madcap affairs or personal tastes of Home Depot workers?  At any rate, I stand there for a few more minutes.  No other orange aprons in sight.

Screw it.  I'm going to Lowe's.  It's a short drive, because God knows there's a Lowe's or Home Depot on every corner of the world now.  Right beside Starbuck's.

In Lowe's, the appliance department is empty.  Apparently the Lowe's equivalent of 'Sharon' is on break here, too.  I wander around looking at dishwashers for a few minutes.  Nothing catches my interest, and that's good.  I would have been totally pissed if I had found one I like, with no Sharon to give me details about cleaning ability, noise level of operation and pricing.

It dawns on me:  I remember Fred talking about a place in Lee's Summit that had good service and prices that were lower than most.  Lee's Summit is only a few miles away, and I think I can remember how to get to the place.

As I'm walking out of Lowe's, past the lawn mowers, I hear a clerk tell a customer, «Well, I'm not sure about that.  I usually work in the paint department.»

I get to Lee's Summit.  I'm not in the store 10 seconds when a young woman approaches and says, «Hello!  How can I help you?»  Naturally, I'm caught off-guard by not having to track down a sales clerk.  «Uh, well, I'm looking for a dishwasher.»

«Ok!  I'll get Bjorn to help you.»  About that time a 40-ish looking man is walking toward us.  «Bjorn, this gentleman is looking for a dishwasher.»

Bjorn holds out his hand to shake mine.  «Hello. I'm Bjorn.  I can show you our different brands.  Do you have a particular model in mind?» 

This is where my «fairy» kicks in.  Bjorn is gorgeous.  I'm a sucker for tall, slender men.  Bjorn is MORE than just tall and slender.  He's handsome.  VERY handsome.  I would normally think of a name like 'Bjorn' as being Scandinavian.  This guy doesn't really look Swedish, or Norwegian, but so what?  He's beautiful.   And he's holding his hand out to me.

I notice a clever little tuft of curly hair at the base of his throat.   Stuttering, I shake his hand and say something like, «Uh.....I....I....I'm....Y......Y.....Yip.  N....no.....I......d......d....don't know.....wh....what kind I w.....w....want.» 

I supressed the desire to say, «My GOD you're HANDSOME!»   But it was tough.

Bjorn proceeded to show me two models in my price range.  He showed me EVERYTHING about the machines.  If I had a question, he answered it.  Without hesitation, without having to ask someone else, and without telling me he didn't know because he usually worked in another department.

I thanked him and told him I'd be back.  I will, too.  I'm going to buy 4 dishwashers, 3 refrigerators, a dozen garbage disposals and at least 2 ovens.  And Bjorn is going to write up every order. 

While I drool.

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