In its new travelogue video about Eureka Springs, «They're Coming To Your Town,» the American Family Association employs some pretty colorful adjectives to describe our quirky little village, including terms that make those dreaded code words «eclectic» and «mecca» sound downright benign:

• «A national hub for homosexuals.»
• «The San Francisco of Arkansas.»
• «A gay hot spot.»
• «A gay sex tourism destination.»

Huh? Say what? Really?

It's true, of course, Eureka Springs has been a destination for gay travelers for decades. And we do have four Diversity Weekends a year. But a «sex» destination? Is it hot doorway sex the AFA is talking about? Public restroom sex favored by closeted Republican senators? Or I only bought my drugs from that male escort but there was nothin' durty goin' on kind of sex preferred by televangelists?

I only ask because Eureka Springs doesn't even have a single gay bar, let alone a gay bath house. How much of a hub or hot spot can it really be?

Considering there are hundreds of honeymoon suites here in «the wedding capital of the south,» and hundreds of heart-shaped tubs and kingsized beds and motels with «adults only» floors, it would seem Eureka Springs is now and always has been a straight sex tourism destination.

But truth in advertising is hardly the AFA's strong suit.

If the AFA's objective was to lure more gay travelers to Eureka Springs, then it's doing a fine job. «You know, honey, maybe we ought to skip Fire Island and Key West, this year. That Eureka Springs place sounds hot. Where is Arkansas, anyway?»

If there are soon non-stop flights to Eureka from San Francisco and South Beach, we'll know who to thank.

While actively promoting Eureka Springs as a homo-sex playground, however, the AFA says the town's new image (which the AFA is single-handedly creating) is «causing Christian support for Eureka Springs to hemorrhage badly.»

Go figure.

What really has the AFA riled up is the only Domestic Partnership Registry in Arkansas which it claims was «surreptitiously enacted» by a «city government that has fully embraced the homosexual lifestyle.»

It just annoys the hell out of the AFA that a progressive, enlightened, compassionate community would put such a law on the books, even though it garnered widespread pubic support and was unanimously approved three times by the city council after weeks of public input.

So, our little mountain village has been overrun by promiscuous homosexuals--in the lascivious minds of the AFA--but it doesn't want gay folks in stable, long-term, monogamous committed relationships, either.

While condemning Eureka for its gay excesses, it practically begs «faith-based» tourists not to cancel their travel plans because «it's hurting Christian-owned businesses.»

Well, duh. What did they expect? The AFA needs an eleventh commandment: «Thou shalt not shoot thyself in thine own foot.»

Actually, It's hard to know what the AFA expects--except maybe $14.95 per video. Ah, yes. We almost forgot. This is an election year, the political influence of the religious right is what is «hemorrhaging» and, when funds are needed to pay off right-wing politicians and keep AFA execs in limos and private jets, you play the scary gay card.

Get ready, folks. An American Family Association solicitation for donations is «coming to your town.»

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