We're pleased to report that Eureka Springs' Domestic Partnership Registry is bringing piles of new visitors to our quaint little village. This just in from a group that calls themselves Jericho Riders: They say Eureka Springs has «given into Satan and his tactics» so they're coming to pray for us.

Isn't that sweet?

Here in Eureka Springs, we're equally worried about Satan. «Satan» is not his real name; it's just what we call him. But ever since Satan quit his three-night-a-week dish washing gig at the House of Biscuits and Gravy--then spent his final paycheck on yet another blackwork tattoo, three new facial piercings and a bottle of MD 20/20--we've all been worried about his welfare.

Thanks for being so thoughtful about our local concerns, Jericho Riders! We're misting up.

However, though we are eternally grateful that the Jericho Riders fret, just as we do, about Satan's continual failure to show up for job interviews at the Arkansas Department of Workforce Services, we're earnestly counting our blessings for an entirely different reason. The Jericho Riders, bless their hearts, have given us a fabulous idea.

The Jericho Riders identify themselves as an «Independent Motorcycle Ministry.» They're not a church. They're not incorporated. They're not a 501(c)3. They're just a random bunch of people with matching vehicles and an «I'm a badass for Jesus» attitude.

Hello?

If you don't see the inherent possibilities of taking a good idea and tarting it up to make it even better, say three Hail Mary's and watch five episodes of «Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.» Get back to us when you're absolved.

Meanwhile, Word up to the initiated:

Gay News is proud to announce our new, independent Mini Cooper Ministry.

No church. No corporation. No tax deductions. Just an opportunity to share matching «Twinkmobiles of the Year» and a badass attitude.

The Jericho Riders assure us that's all we need to get Satan off public assistance: matching vehicles and a badass attitude. We believe!

So hurry, hurry. Submit your application for gang leadership to staff@gaynewsbureau.com. Successful candidates will demonstrate the ability to sing and dance the entire score from «West Side Story.» Special rights, benefits and a tarted-up 401(k) and benefits package, will be extended to candidates who sing, «I feel pretty, and witty and gay» like they really mean it.

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