Those cards, letters and now--computer viruses--keep pouring in from the American Family Association (AFA.) A brief lull was reported on Sunday, while AFA supporters enjoyed fire, brimstone and a hearty dinner of fried chicken and Parker House rolls.

By late afternoon on Monday, Eureka Springs city officials reported that the AFA's messages of Christian love, judgment, retribution and guaranteed involuntary bankruptcy for Eureka Springs now number in the thousands.

Yes, that's right. The same folks who rent their garments and mourned loudly over the homosexuality of SpongeBob SquarePants have targeted Eureka Springs. Why? We can answer that question here at Gay News but the story is a bit counter-intuitive. Try to keep up.

If you glance at the June Archives, you'll see that the Eureka Springs Domestic Partnership Registry (DPR) ordinance survived two attempts to force a referendum. The people who carried the referendum petitions explained, «Stop calling us 'bigots' already! We just think the DPR will kill faith-based tourism.»

(Note: You can see all the arguments, recorded for posterity, at ESTV - News Reports)

When both petitions failed on legal technicalities, the DPR opponents continued to pray. Perhaps God needs to change His wireless plan to a company that advertises fewer dropped calls. This is a mystery. It is not for us to know. But, God's family and friends dialing plan notwithstanding, the DPR opponents emerged from their prayerful meditation with the idea that they ought to ask the AFA for help.

That sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? If you're crouched in your bunker awaiting the invasion of the excruciatingly well-manicured Gay Army, mincing in formation and flipping their wrists over Big Jesus Hill, well... what do you do? You call the nation's premiere gay-bashing political activist...er... «ministry.»

If the people who think gay marriage is a greater danger to society than nuclear proliferation, global warming, poverty, starvation and the widespread dissemination of some incurable, communicable disease--all put together--well, if they can't save you from Eureka's Domestic Partnership Registry, seriously, who can?

So, (and this where the story gets complicated, are you still keeping up?) the people who said they only opposed the DPR because it might «kill faith-based tourism» have now asked the AFA's 3 million plus members to kill faith-based tourism by sending a «don't visit Eureka Springs» message to every evangelical Christian they know.

Oops?

We're not entirely sure why the DPR opponents are so stressed out because, here at Gay News, our motto is: You don't have to be gay to have a gay ol' time in Eureka Springs. It helps. But it's not a strict requirement.

Meanwhile, Gay News readers should recognize this scenario. Imagine...

People dress up in elaborate costumes; they flail, strut and emote with elaborate, theatrical gestures; they lip-synch to a pre-recorded soundtrack. Are we talking about a drag show? (Bzzzt! Sorry. Next contestant.) We're talking about the Great Passion Play.

You want camp? We've got your camp right here.

Start hot-gluing the sequins onto the giant pump, readers! Hem the frocks! Fluff up the boas! At the rate the AFA is going, the decks should be cleared for «Priscilla, Queen of the Ozarks» within a matter of days.

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