The May issue of Houston's OutSmart magazine--with seven full pages devoted to gay Eureka Springs--is now . . . well, out.

Celebrate this major marketing and public relations achievement and get your copy of the magazine at Marquee's (former location of Caribe Restaurante y Cantina) on Thursday, May 15 at 6:30 p.m.

«With all it has to offer the GLBT traveler, Eureka Springs should be considered on par with Key West, Provincetown and Palm Springs as a gay vacation paradise,» writes OutSmart contributor Bradley Williams.

With the publication of this major travel story, a great many more Texans will know about Eureka Springs.

Because, in addition to Houston, OutSmart is distributed in Galveston, Beaumont, Conroe, Clear Lake City, Spring, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, El Paso, Longview, and College Station.

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I just bought a Berlitz German language course.  When we go to Austria and Germany in June, I would like to be able to say a few words that aren't English.  What the hell.  It was only 20 bucks. 

I know that everyone over there under the age of 75 speaks English, probably better than I do, and learning the language isn't absolutely necessary to get around Europe, but I think it would be kind of fun to order dinner in German.  Or at least say hello to the clerk in a store in the native tongue.

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Three-day stubble-OR- why won't it grow on TOP of my head?
 

I didn't shave Wednesday.
I didn't shave Thursday.
Now it's Friday.
I didn't shave this morning.
I could blame my not shaving on being late for work, which is not entirely true.
More accurately, I just didn't want to do it.

I was sitting in front of the tv, scratching my itchy chin, watching Matt Lauer do his thing in London and just figured what the hell. I don't have any appointments today that would require a smooth face, so screw it.

The only problem is that the weekend is coming fast.
As most any man knows, Man Law Number 17 requires eschewing the razor on a Saturday and Sunday. Shaving on the weekend is just not right.

Unless that man must attend a funeral or wedding. Even then, shaving depends on who is getting married or buried.

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At least it MAY be.  

I haven't had a lot of time to write my annoying missives lately, so I've dug into the Yip Files for a couple of past posts that may (or may not) have been added to this blog.  I hope I'm not repeating myself by putting the next few installments in here. 

Just letting you know - you may get a feeling of deja vu when reading. 

Bear with me.  There will be some new nonsense before long.

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Back from the eye doctor. 

I've never, in all my life, had my eyes examined.  Interesting experience, that I'm not sure I want to go through again.  It wasn't as invasive as the prostate exam I had a few weeks ago (that's a subject best not discussed in polite company, so I won't.  I assume everyone reading this is 'polite'.  I could be wrong.) but it wasn't a lot of fun.  Bright flashing lights, looking through all sorts of complicated machinery, so forth.  The interesting part was the Dr. (Insert a nice «oooooo!» here.)  He was cute! Quite tall, about 6'3 or 4, I would guess.

I'm a sucker for tall guys.  And, he had hair.  Lots of it.  Thick and wavy.  (bastard!) 

So, he told me to look through these little glass things, asked me which seemed better, if they were fuzzy or not,  and filled out a bunch of paperwork.  Then I got to pick the frames.  Not a SINGLE Dame Edna 'wings with rhinestones' pair in the lot.   They had everything from skinny little slits to oversized Sally Jesse Raphael owl-eyes.  But no 'wings'.

Shit.

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One of the benefits of the second job I have is insurance coverage.  That's a biggie.   

In the past I've looked into policies for myself, as a small business owner, and found the premiums to be outrageously expensive.  Expensive enough that I didn't sign up.  So, now that I DO have insurance, I'm taking advantage of it.

I have to wear safety goggles at the job.  I have some problems with close-up vision.  Can't read the newspaper (or anything else, for that matter) without reading glasses.  The job requires reading small numbers and letters, so I have some «standard» bifocal safety goggles.  They  don't work very well, so I've set up an eye doctor appointment for today.  Prescription safety goggles!  Woohoo!  I'm gonna see if I can get a pair with rhinestones and «wings» that extend above the eye about an inch or two.  Like Dame Edna's. 

I'll be the mega-star of C Shift!

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Last Thursday, Uruguay became the first nation in Latin America to marry a gay couple, after a law allowing couples living together to formalize their union went into effect at the start of the year. Couples who have lived together for five years, regardless of sexual orientation, will be granted spousal rights at the federal level under Uruguay's «cohabitation union law.» Though several cities, including Buenos Aires and Mexico City, have inclusive civil union laws on the books, Uruguay's law is the first nationwide measure in Latin America.

As expected, the Pope is in a holy uproar over Uruguay's move to join Canada as the second nation on the American Continents to support civil and human rights for all. His Holiness is reportedly quite annoyed that he will be required to take time out of his busy schedule of covering up the misdeeds of altar-boy-buggering priests to take a firm stand against the «moral decline» of Uruguay.

Go figure.

Meanwhile, here in the United States of America, formerly known as the world's «beacon of freedom,» unemployed--and unemployable--mental patients rove in packs to harass the occupants of America's outposts of common sense--like Vermont, Massachusetts, and Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

Here at Gay News, we're pretty sure there are readers who have been leaning forward, wondering if we're ever going to say anything about the duty-free import of unhinged lunatics that was foisted on Eureka Springs during Spring Diversity Weekend by Eureka's own un-medicated patients, otherwise known as First Christian Church pastor «Flip» Wilson and Eureka's lone Jericho Rider, Kevin B. Thompson.

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*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!*

The alarm goes off. 

Shit. 

It's 3:45 A.M.  It feels like I went to bed only 20 minutes ago. I usually go to bed around 7:30 in the evening.  8:00 at the latest.  I have to, in order to get up at 3:45. 

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In the days leading up to and immediately following Spring Diversity Weekend (April 3-6), a dozen couples from five states--Arkansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Missouri and even Florida--signed up for the Eureka Springs Domestic Partnership Registry.

That brings the total number of registrants to 342 individuals (or 171 couples) from Arkansas and 10 other states.

Collectively, they have--in just under 10 months--boosted city revenues by $5,985 by ponying up $35 per couple for a Domestic Partnership Certificate.

Their collective impact on the local economy is incalculable. Or, rather cannot be calculated because no one tracks the spending of newly-hitched domestic partners. Yet.

But, if each couple spent a mere $200 on a hotel room, restaurant meals, drinks and souvenirs, that would translate into $34,200. If they stayed for the weekend and spent $1,000, then local cash registers would benefit to the tune $171,000.

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Since I'm now working two full-time jobs, there's little time for the fun things in life. Like Diversity Weekends in Eureka Springs. (Poor Yip. Poor, poor Yip.)

Oh, I still have fun in my own way. I just don't get to travel for fun. I'm either at my printing company, or doing shift work at my other job, which sucks. Big time. But I try to have a little fun with it. If I couldn't turn it into some kind of game, I'd end up glassy-eyed and drooling for the entire shift. I daydream a lot too.

For example, my kind of fun at the job involves re-naming all the equipment I work with. I'm responsible for running seven different machines. These machines are referred to by the manufacturer-assigned serial numbers. One machine is number 2936. Another is 2479.

I've renamed them Shirley and Mayetta.

There's also Molly, Helen, Carlotta, Mavis and Evelyn.

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